We all have flaws. Don’t be too hard on yourselvE

Sujina Manandhar

Published at : July 18, 2023

As you look in the mirror, do you notice the tiny little imperfections on your face? And perhaps the slight bit of extra weight on its belly? Do you ever think to yourself: if only those pimples would go away, or if your waist was an inch smaller?

If the answer is ‘Yes’, here’s my question to you: Would you have noticed the same little imperfections if they were on the face of a loved one? Would you have commented on that weight if it was on someone other than you in your mirror?

You probably wouldn’t be so harsh on them, right? Then why is it that you do not accept the image in the mirror? Why do you hold your image to such high expectations that you would not hold anyone else to?

On a daily basis, we put ourselves up on a pedestal and hold ourselves to numerous unrealistic expectations. Be it regarding our looks, productivity, personality, or any other aspect of our life. We fail to give ourselves the same benefit of the doubt that we give others.

Whenever we fail to meet these standards, our inner critic speaks up. It nags and reminds us of our shortcomings. It could even create a spiral of negative self-talk, leading us to think about one bad thing after another.

The negative inner dialogue you have with yourself for not being the best version all the time can seep into your mind and affect you more than you realise. It can chip away at your confidence and ruin your self-image. That’s why it is important to view ourselves without judgment.

Nobody is perfect

Let’s face the fact. Nobody is perfect, and you not being perfect is just a sign of how perfectly human you are. So don’t let anyone or yourself hold you up to that standard of perfection and make you feel any less for not meeting it. You don’t need to be perfect. Your peace of mind is more important than the perfection you seek.

Embrace your flaws

What you see in yourself as flaws are the very features that make you special in someone else’s eyes. They make you unique. And if you really think about it, what do those flaws even mean? Is it so wrong to have imperfections? Aren’t these flaws the reason why you are able to be the person you are? Why do you want to get rid of something that is you?

Accept things as they are

Accept yourself as you are. I know it’s easier said than done. In fact, it is easier for us to accept other people and their flaws before we do our own. But hear me out. When we think about people, do we think them to be all good or all bad? Each one of us is capable of good and bad, given the circumstances. The world is not all black and white— it doesn’t have to be. It’s perfectly fine to be in the grey zone.

Extend compassion to yourself

Whenever you notice yourself passing a negative comment to yourself, ask this question: Would I be saying these things to anyone else? And if the answer is ‘No’, then doesn’t that mean that you are being too harsh on yourself with your judgment?

So, the next time you find yourself being too harsh with all the questions like ‘why did I do that?’ ‘why can’t I get anything right?’ ‘what is wrong with me?’, love yourself like you would love your friends, parents or partner.

It is especially important to be non-judgemental when we are going through a tough time or suffering from a mental health condition. Instead of engaging in self-blame for thinking or feeling a certain way, lend yourself an empathetic ear to hear out your inner voices in a judgment-free manner. Instead of beating yourself up, and blaming yourself for everything that didn’t go your way, challenge the judgemental thoughts because thoughts aren’t necessarily facts. Ask if the thoughts have any basis for them.

When it comes down the wire, loving these imperfections and not judging yourself for being unable to meet unrealistic standards is the only way to maintain peace within ourselves.